Meg Jay has spent close to two decades studying adult development and listening to the stories of people in her clinical practice. Along the way, she’s learned important lessons about resilience, which she shared in her new book,Supernormal, and in a Facebook Live at TED’s NYC Headquarters in November. One key takeaway? “Resilience is not a trait. It’s not something you’re born with. It’s not something you just have,” she says. We’ve distilled her essential tips for how you can become more resilient.